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The GOP and The Sex Police

G.O.P. sex policeWhat a shame Bill Clinton didn't invoke executive privilege for his wiener. It would have kept the sex police from, um, grilling Bill, and spared our country of that damnable impeachment show, which was the most ludicrous political performance in our entire history. So, if asked, "What did Wienie communicate to you about his relationship with Ms. Lewinsky?" Clinton could reply, "Well, I can't tell you, because that, sir, I regard as a privileged communication."

SEX POLICEMAN: "Well, then, can you at least tell us whether Wienie had personal contact with Ms. Lewinsky on the night of June 12, and did you instruct Wienie to--to initiate such contact?"

CLINTON: "In my judgment, sir, executive privilege would also be violated if I were to reveal such specifics. The most I can and will say is that I appreciated my warm personal relationship with Wienie." (Here, Clinton would look a bit teary, and unleash the remarkable pout power of his lower lip for credibility.)

SEX POLICEMAN: "Well, then, Mr. President, can you at least tell us if it's true that Ms. Lewinsky referred to Wienie as 'Slick Willie.' "

CLINTON "No sir, I cannot. To reveal such a detail would undermine the confidence of my staff. "


CLINTON: "Because of executive privilege. Executive privilege here is intended to protect a fundamental interest of the presidency; the necessity of a president to receive candid advice from his advisers and that those advisers be able to communicate freely and openly with the president."

No, unfortunately Clinton didn't try such a bold move. We had to wait for George Bush, who, ironically got "elected" partly because of the Wienie inquisition, to make such a sweeping claim for executive privilege. This bit about candor came straight from Bush's counsel.

This new case of executive privilege may be the most terrifying example yet of the tyrannical secrecy of the Bush administration. Take the logic to its conclusion, and every discussion, every plan, every proposal, from what color Bush's tie should be to what country to nuke could be cloaked in executive privilege. From insider trading tips to schemes to funnel more money to Halliburton--executive privilege. Bush's flacks might as well have come right out and said, "The president can't effectively authorize graft and extortion if his advisers aren't able to give him candid advice. So butt out."

No. I'm not making it up. The counsel is indicating quite clearly that Bush's advisers are so threatened by the mere thought of their conversation being divulged keeps them from being honest with the president. If Bush's people are THAT paranoid about speaking the truth, no wonder the guy's out of touch with reality. If they're truly this spineless, he should fire the lot of them and bring in some gang bangers and bikers and nappy headed ho's who aren't afraid to talk straight and answer questions later.

There ought to be a major public outcry about this issue, but it appears that the country is biding its time, just waiting out the next year and a half until it's rid of Bush, or at least this generation of Bushes. Since the Democrats don't have the nerve to impeach him, that seems to be the best we can hope for.

But while we're waiting, we'd do well to consider what the degenerate politics of the Republicans have done to this country in the past 10 years, dragging shallow, fundamentalist theology into politics, refusing to get out of a war that they and their Democrat accomplices started without justification, and filling the Congress with hypocrisy and corruption.

Apparently, a number of citizens ARE already considering what the Republicans have wrought, judging by the difficulty GOP candidates are having in raising funds.

The axis of their particular brand of evil is the wiener introduced above. So devoid are Republicans of ideas that might improve the life of the average American, and so opposed are they to anybody who express such ideas (e.g., Hillary's health-care plan) that they turned to a sex farce. They created the Lewinsky-Clinton scandal, and distracted the country with this ludicrous show for months, reducing politics to the level of tabloids and corny and raunchy sit coms. Hillary Clinton was far too polite when she called the Republican smearing of Bill Clinton a right-wing conspiracy. There WAS no conspiracy, but a very open effort to distract the country and the Congress by appealing to millions of prudes who, like many of their ilk, are titillated by gossip about what goes on below other peoples' belts.

That's the shame of it, folks, there WAS no conspiracy. There was a sideshow, based on the farcical image of well-groomed, tie-wearing white guys everywhere, in Washington and on the news talking about SEMEN, and well groomed young anchorladies with earnest frowns on perky faces discussing SEMEN. Sometimes you'd hear a sort of catch in the voice, as if they were either suppressing a laugh or had just choked down some of the stuff.

Now granted, politics is chock full of ludicrous events and dumb remarks that make fine material for late-night gags on Letterman and Leno. Bush senior puking on the Japanese premier; Dan Quayle saying he was happy to be in Latin America where they speak Latin; Bush Jr.'s constant butchering of the language; the good clean fun when a windbag congressman who harps about family values turns out to be a pederast or a wife beater and tries to blubber his way through a staged repentance; even proposals to build bridges to nowhere in Alaska are good farce. But notice that these examples of political yucks are mostly just accidents, one-time gaffs by individuals, and even the farces that do involve a certain amount of planning among politicians usually get laughed off the table if and when their silliness is exposed.

But with the Clinton impeachment by the Republican sex police, we had a long-running political farce, consciously and openly written, directed, and staged by a large crew and cast of thousands. Millions followed its installments and yucked it up, while millions of prudes, who never do get a joke, did so much tsk-tsking they must've put more strain on their tongues than if THEY'D been administering those notorious fellatios.

Never in the history of the country had so trivial an event been so exaggerated and so exploited for so long by a political party. Never in the history of the country did anybody even dream of staging such a farce. Never had pure nonsense been raised to such a level by so many collaborators and sustained for so long.

We still don't seem to understand the monumental banality of this maneuver, of the fact that the Republican Party quite literally revolved around Bill Clinton's penis--the biggest spin of the entire Republican Revolution.

Nor do we seem to really get it--to understand how empty an organization must be that could make its opponent's penis its central agenda, or how a party that loudly claims to support family values and sexual abstinence dragged our country into the gutter, with the ultimate result of its nasty work being the election (?) of George Bush.

Americans should not just withhold money from such an outfit. They should demand that it dissolve and reconstitute itself as something more worthy of a modern democracy than a frat-house initiation committee. Let it be conservative--I've got no problem with that.  But let it make its way in the world without resorting to the rancid tactics it has used for ever so long.

July 29, 2007

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