Bizarre rumors floating around Senator Lindsey Graham raise the unbelievable possibility that he became pregnant, but soon underwent an abortion. His office has vehemently denied the occurrence, but doubts and speculation linger.

Graham has indeed been in close contact with a team of South Carolina surgeons who were experimenting with the possibility of males carrying fetal implants attached to a segment of the exterior of the large intestine. “It’s basically a question of promoting sexual equality by engaging males in the totality of reproduction,” Dr. Derrick Crane commented at the establishment of the program in 2013.

“He succeeded in securing substantial research funds for this medical group,” journalist Tom Rafferty stated in the Raleigh Inquirer, so there is clear evidence of his contact with doctors who specialize in trans-sexual practices.”

Speculation also continues to rage about Graham’s possible shift from strong opposition of abortion and a supporter of legislation that makes it difficult for a woman to procure the procedure. While he continues to speak out against abortion, recent reports leaked from his office by an unidentified aide indicate that he may be considering a change in position.

“Senator Graham is rethinking certain aspects of his long-time, solid, no-compromise stance against this obviously immoral practice,” the aide revealed yesterday through an e-mail to reporters at the Miami Herald. “Of course, this does not mean his position has positively altered, but merely that he is reconsidering certain aspects of laws governing the practice.”

A deeper look into Graham’s political position reveals that there may indeed be some strange factors influencing his attitude toward the practice, and this includes the unimaginable possibility of his pregnancy. Six weeks ago, in late March while on a speaking tour in Florida, Graham was rushed to a clinic in Fort Lauderdale. “Nothing medically threatening was discovered,” sources close to Graham revealed. “It appears to have been a case of mild food poisoning that resulted from his dining at a fried-chicken festival in a nearby town where he was scheduled for a speaking appearance.”

However, this episode was followed by a far more acute attack two days ago in South Carolina. This event involved intense nausea and strong abdominal pain,” according to a press release from Graham’s office. “This episode was far more severe than the previous one, and required minor surgery.”

“Physicians determined the exact cause of his symptoms and have addressed the issue successfully,” a hospital spokesman reported. “Senator Graham has recuperated and is already back at work, ably serving the citizens of South Carolina.”

However, doubts do remain: It is known that the lead member of the surgical team operating on Graham was Dr. Crane, the surgeon long involved in promoting sexual equality by advancing the possibility of males carrying a fetus to term. When probed by journalists after the surgery, Crane replied “No comment,” which advanced rather than quelled suspicions about the exact nature of the procedure, while provoking more inquiries about the nature of the surgery.

Consequently, rumors about Graham’s ailments and treatment continue to circulate. “We’re not at all sure about the exact nature of the senator’s illness,” one commentator remarked. “We’re still anticipating a more detailed official medical opinion from the team of physicians who performed the surgery.”