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PHOENIX: Sarah Palin announced on Tuesday that the “real culprit” in global warming is not human beings but the sun.
“All those pseudo scientists doing psychedelic research have overlooked what is abundantly clear,” Palin said. “And that is the earth is being heated by the sun — not by automobiles, or coal, or factories, or whatever.”
“It’s time someone reigned-in that sun,” the former governor said. “We know they (sic) have weapons of mass destruction. We know that solar flares disrupt communication on an almost daily basis. This is a rogue star – and not in a good way.”
Palin was in Phoenix to address the Kool Klux Klan — a Mad Tea Party group she supports — during it’s annual, “Blame an Immigrant” barbecue.
The KKK event has become a must-attend social gathering for all those seeking the Republiklan presidential nomination in 2012.
Palin told attendees at the barbecue either “the sun has to change,” or “the civilized nations of the world – the white ones, anyway,” will have no choice but to do something about it.
“Let us never forget that we have in our possession the tools that will fix any and all problems,” Palin said, flashing her trademark grin. “The ultimate weapon, the perfect answer to everything. Yes, nuclear weapons. If we drop those bad boys on the bad guys, we’ll kill a bunch of birds with one stone. You betcha!”
Palin, outfitted in a red two-piece bikini, paused to wipe sweat from her long beauty queen legs – a seemingly choreographed move that drew wild applause from the mostly male crowd.
Yet environmentalists appeared stunned by Palin’s latest statements.
“Do you understand that using nuclear weapons would kill millions of people?” reporter Frank Henry shouted from the audience. (Henry slipped in through the fortified gates of the KKK barbecue disguised as a busboy.) “Do you understand that could even usher in a nuclear winter?” Men who appeared to have had too much sun quickly apprehended him.
“Take it easy, boys,” Palin told House Speaker John Boehner as he and another unidentified person manhandled the reporter. “We do need gardeners and busboys, you know,” she said.
“Yes, oh course I know all that,” Palin continued. “I was born and raised in America, not in some enchilada republic, you maroon. Those pandy dandy so-called intellectuals on the left, they say they know everything about science and such. Look, they even convinced the hired help they are right! Let me ask you something. What would cool off global warming faster than nuclear winter?”
The crowd cheered, bottles of Coors Light held high over their heads. “Gog is great!” they chanted in unison.
“I rest my case,” Palin declared, rolling up her lip like a handmade cigarette.